The book isn’t going to write itself

I’m 42 years old this year and I haven’t got a bloody clue what I want to do with my life. I mean – I thought I might’ve found my life’s purpose by now. One thing I am sure of, is I hate my current job and I have no idea how to get out. I feel trapped. Sure it pays the bills, but if it were a competition between the job and watching snails race… or paint dry…or any other of those synonyms that explain how excruciatingly bored I am at work… How do you start a new career at 41 if you don’t even know what you want that career to be?

I have tried many ways to work this out. I have delved deep into my soul. What makes me happy? What am I good at? What can I do with my one wild and precious life? This soul searching resulted in a massive heart to heart with my partner last night, who cuddled me as the tears fell and the frustration came pouring out. He asked of me the same questions I have been asking myself. I do not know the answers. Yet.

As we followed my ideals and dreams, we ended up taking a journey to live in the Lakes (for the outdoors and running and hills) with a hippy shop selling crystals and beautiful jewellery and books. There was a room for holistic treatments and also a big space at the back (with a wooden floor) for Yoga, meditation, art classes, creative writing workshops, etc. He said dream big. I don’t think he was expecting that I have got to 41 and my big life’s dream is to be a hippy.

I think I have been waiting for some divine inspiration, something to fall out of the sky so I can say, “yes, that’s me, – I want to do THAT”. I am happiest when my brain is active – or the opposite – when I can lose myself in the creativity. I love writing, but have been suffering huge writers block from the moment I decided I wanted to write. I love painting and drawing – and yet I have not picked up a pencil or a paint brush in years. These are things I need to remedy, not least as they are the things that make me most happy.

I have realised that I cannot wait for the magic opportunity to land on my doorstep. Hoping and dreaming is not enough. I need to take the time to create the life I want to lead. I need to take steps to start. After all, the book ain’t going to write itself.


One thought on “The book isn’t going to write itself

  1. You’re not alone, by a long chalk (and what are the origins of THAT saying?). I think most people compromise on work choices, bearing in mind the need to support self and probably family. It’s a brave and lucky person who can choose to do just what they like, heedless of the effect it will have on income. A lot of us even just sort of fall into a job or profession and then end up stuck with it because of the drop in income that would result from changing jobs. If you have no dependents, and no contribution to a household, you can be a bit more selfish……. but how many can say that? So, am I warning against? Not a bit of it! If you want it badly enough, go for it. You may have to live a bohemian and possibly cashless existence, either initially or permanently, but the freedom of such a state of affairs would be immensely liberating. And the joy of waking each morning, knowing that you’ve got another day in front of you doing what you love. I guess if I’ve got any advice, it would be to set it up so that you have minimal outgoings, so the pressure to make money is minimised. I’m sure you’re good at working out budgets!! Sorry this is all one paragraph, but I haven’t worked on here before: I was afraid that if I hit ‘return’ it would send, with only half the text in place!!


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